When i was younger, I have always wondered “what if i wasn’t me?” Like what does it actually feels like to be someone else? Now that I’m older, I still stop to wonder what it feels like to lead a totally different life. To be honest, I’ve always hated myself, the life that i’m leading. Not because i don’t have nice people around me or anything of that sort. I just hated being average, average at everything. What does it feel like to be good at something? I really want to know.

If you’ve read my previous posts a long time ago, you would have known that I was never good with my studies. I put in x10 the effort of some of my friends, just to be a mere average. So in short, i’m not.. smart, pretty, slim or even good at anything. I was just ordinary. I’ve always complained that “life isn’t fair” and people tell me i shouldn’t compare. But what do they know what it feels like to deal with self esteem issues everyday? Its a constant battle of feeling like you’re not good enough for anyone or anything. 

I’ve tried exercising, so i’d look better. But no matter how hard i try, i’ve never succeed. Whereas others seem to be able to do it so effortlessly. I know you’d say i don’t see the hard work they’ve put in. But how about people who don’t even have to do anything and they are already in shape? I know i really shouldn’t be complaining, but i just needed to get it off my chest. When can i end my battle with my weight?

When will i ever be good enough?